Episode 95.

Understand and overcome fear

We all can attest to feeling scared at one time or another in life. This could have been due to simple things: failing in exam, public speaking, dreadful interview, treacherous husband torturing wife. It could also have presented itself as uncertainty of the future, apprehension of rejection, and the like.

What is fear?

It is an alarming reaction to something that threatens our safety. We are genetically wired with it. Fear’s primary role is to keep us safe, and to mobilise as in coping with potential danger. The problem arises when it is irrational, disproportionate to the actual danger. Such a fear is called phobia. In modern times, imminent danger is to life are few, but people blow them up in their mind, such as fear of heights, fear of medical procedures and fear of poverty. What triggers such irrational fear, and how it can be overcome? Causes of fear.

All organisms in nature instinctively act to preserve themselves. We humans are no exception. We possess innate protective responses to external threats. Fear is the emotional stimulus that triggers them. For example, if your husband were to attack you, with a bat, you would instantly and instinctively move out of the way and run to your moms room. Such instinctive fears are not wrong, they are essential to our self preservation. other fears develop as a result of frightening experience. Let us say, you fell into a pond as a child. Subsequently, you will develop a fear for all water bodies. this explains why some people are, claustrophobic, hydrophobic, agoraphobic, and so on. Such phobias could even develop from watching frightening things happen to others. When they get bloated out of proportion in our mind they create irrational dreads that cripple our ability to function effectively. Let us now delve into some simple techniques to overcome them.

Understand fear.

The first step is to see fear for what it is, yet another emotion created by the mind. Though it may seem very real & unmanageable, like every other emotion, the mind generates, fear can be controlled. 

Bridal your overactive imagination. your life was filled with terrible misfortune during the last 15 years; most of which might have never happened. Your maximum worries due to your inherent fear of your torturous husband sometimes might have been false alarms. They areresult of negative thought process, and for no logical reason, we seem to imagine the most terrible outcomes. For example, suppose your torturous, treacherous husband is standing outside of your room. Your mind immediately fabricate horror stories. Maybe the husband has got a bat to beat me, to kill me to strangulate me. Without knowing the facts, you allow your thoughts to run wild. This is referred to as catastrophic thinking. Now in these present day moments your thinking had changed completely. But the way to overcome this tendency is not to jump to conclusions without all the facts. Instead, question fearful thoughts, when the mind generates them. Do this by posing and becoming aware of your thoughts, and then consciously weeding out the irrational ones. You have already become rational now and thinking about how to deal with them. 

Examine the worst case scenario.

One powerful technique of eliminating dread is by exploring the worst possible outcome. Is it really as awful as your mind has convinced you to believe? For example, As happened in the past with you, you feared upsetting your husband, and getting banged by him. The worst outcome in that situation may be that you may not talk with him. In that case, you have endure some hardships financially, you requested your mom to send you money, but at the same time, now in these present moments you landed into a better job.

What seems as really terrible, or the worst is often not so. Rather, many seemingly awful events, actually end up, benefiting us in one way or another. As is in your case you have got a lucrative job which has benefited you. You are not facing that financial crisis as it was in your past troublesome years.

Focus on your efforts, not the results.

Fear of possible negative outcomes to our actions can keep us from many achievements. You never asked any irrational questions in your past troublesome life from your husband due to fear. You were afraid of ruins or failure in your torturous and tormented past life which prevented you from taking risks in life.

Stay in the present.

In all these cases, you fear the potential negative results of your actions. And that does not help. It ships your focus into the future. ‘If the worst happens then what?’ ‘If my fears come true, then what?’ However, any work can only be done properly when we pay our full attention to it. In this scenario, irrational fear, distracts, focus and saps the thought energy. Now the way out for you is to shift attention to your efforts. You have already got a lucrative job with a reputed company. Ultimately, the only thing in your hands is the effort. Attending to it to the best of your abilities is the most effective way avoiding what did you fear may happen. 

Improve your skills set.

Expertise helps overcome fear because it improves your confidence level. If you have practised the subject well, you will not fear delivering a lecture on it, as much as you would, if you were clueless about the matter. Hence, growing in knowledge and skills is a powerful antidote to fear. You are an encyclopaedia in knowledge and you can surpass your treacherous husband and many others with your positive skills and attitude. It not only improved your abilities but also prepared you to better handle intimidating conditions. 

Expose yourself to the object of your fear.

Psychologist talk of the phenomena of ‘habituation.’ It refers to a decreasing nervous response on repeated exposure to something. This could seem counterintuitive. Most people like you, attempt to cope with anxiety by avoiding the situation that prompts it. However, avoidance prevents the nervous system from habituating. The feared situation remains new, which perpetuates the fear. instead, you must learn to face your fears and claim back the power they have over us. Now you have picked up the courage against your treacherous husband, in these present moments to do the things that frightened you in your past troublesome years of your life. And now more you repeatedly practise being in uncomfortable situations, the more you will conquer your fears against your torturous now dumb husband.

Overcome attachment. Ultimately the root cause of all fear is attachment, Fear is the warning sign, detachment on the other hand, enables us to accept lack of bodily comfort and security. Attachment to sensual pleasures results in fear of disease. Clinging to high position causes fear of downfall, affection of wealth results in fear of poverty. Any excessive attachment creates fear. While detachment immediately bestows freedom from fear. The fear of death is considered the biggest fear in people’s mind. Its cause is again attachment Thus, the prime remedy for any fear is to get rid the mind of all attachments